This space has been neglected for a while. The list of excuses would be long if I felt like writing them all down. But it boils down to one word: life. Oh, and maybe a touch of laziness....and a smidgen of self effacing neglect. But I'm back today because I miss writing, I miss my words and how they look and sound as they spill out of my mind through my fingers, keys pressed in quick taps. I miss the sense of creation that it brings.
I forget sometimes what a beautiful life this is. Sometimes I only hear the words: your words are not worthy. But they are. They are mine. My story. My narrative. It matters.
This space has never held a clear purpose for me. I've never known what I wanted it to be. I'm not saying I know what I want to be now but I know I want to feel the words spill out again and be present here, in this internet moment. Having a child sheds a whole light on the world, but it also give you tunnel vision. It becomes so easy to only see the child, to only care about their life, to let it swallow you whole. And that's good. It's fine. Children are worthy of that kind of devotion, that all encompassing light.
I want to explore my soul again, and feed it sentences and splashes of color. I've been having nightmares again from where my brain refuses to turn off, even in sleep. I think it's because all the words are trapped, swirling and angry, inside my head. They have to come out, and maybe then I can rest safely again.
Just a little warning. There is an abundance of lists and cat things in my head. So, there will be lists and cat things for a minute, in some form or fashion. We'll consider it a warm up.
I forget sometimes what a beautiful life this is. Sometimes I only hear the words: your words are not worthy. But they are. They are mine. My story. My narrative. It matters.
This space has never held a clear purpose for me. I've never known what I wanted it to be. I'm not saying I know what I want to be now but I know I want to feel the words spill out again and be present here, in this internet moment. Having a child sheds a whole light on the world, but it also give you tunnel vision. It becomes so easy to only see the child, to only care about their life, to let it swallow you whole. And that's good. It's fine. Children are worthy of that kind of devotion, that all encompassing light.
I want to explore my soul again, and feed it sentences and splashes of color. I've been having nightmares again from where my brain refuses to turn off, even in sleep. I think it's because all the words are trapped, swirling and angry, inside my head. They have to come out, and maybe then I can rest safely again.
Just a little warning. There is an abundance of lists and cat things in my head. So, there will be lists and cat things for a minute, in some form or fashion. We'll consider it a warm up.
Peace. {drops mic}
