Oh, How I Hate You, Let Me Count the Ways

While everyone else in America waits in eager anticipation of their date night, candy, flowers, jewelry, sex or whatever else floats their boat, I sit impatiently waiting Valentine's day to be over. I hate the holiday, and personally finds it means next to nothing religiously or traditionally. As far as I'm concerned, it's 100% commercial crap designed to break up the winter humdrums with the lull between Christmas and Easter. It's a gap filler that we created. The end. 

Why do I feel this way? Let me tell you. My husband is a florist. That means he has to suck the commercial dick of Valentine's day and the only sex either of us is getting is figuratively up the ass without lube. He's working balls to the wall all day every day, taking orders and churning out roses while people yell at him for how much they cost and on Friday, he will be yelled at because he didn't get every single order out in exactly the way the sender anticipated. Not that he will have messed up, oh no, he's just supposed to read minds. 

I'm a little bitter about Valentine's day. I have flowers, gorgeous flowers sitting on my desk right now. Prettier than anything anyone else can expect, and I know this. They're perfect. He's a perfect husband, as perfect as any man can be, about 325 days a year. So I try not to complain when he has to be absent, when he's short-tempered from these long days. But it takes a toll. It makes me bitter, not towards him, but towards this god forsaken holiday. As everyone talks excitedly about their dates and what nots, I'm just glad to see it pass us by. And I really hate wishing away days, wishing away my life. But I just want to get back to the good parts. 

For the record, I feel the same way about Mother's Day and Father's Day. Father's Day not as much, but these "Hallmark Holidays" really get on my nerves. They're great for business, I know, so keep loving your holidays, keep loving your gifts, and keep loving your lover. Just think about the people behind the scenes, what they're having to do, the time they are spending away from their loved ones so you can be provided with whatever service they provide, be it flowers, jewelry or sex toys. 

Speaking of sex toys, I just took him breakfast and while at the front counter, I noticed these lovely things. 

Don't get too excited. They're not what they look like.

See. Keychains. Anal beads on key chains. I guess that gets us ready for figurative dick up the ass....

Radio Silence

You know the noise that comes after the zombie Apocalypse, the sound of everyone's radios and televisions cutting off and switching to white noise? Yeah, that. That's what I'm hearing in my head today.

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There's a numbness in my heart, blessedly, to take the place of the anxiety I felt all day yesterday. My mom called and told me my dad was back at the hospital with chest pains. He suffered a mild heart attack in July, while on vacation, 400 miles away. And yesterday, all that fear came down on me again in a rush, a chest tightening, soul crushing fear.  A text from my mom saying that she's scared. That woman is never scared. I prayed fervently last night as I fell asleep, and cried and prayed on my way to work this morning. 

And I guess my prayers were answered.

After some tests today though, he's in the clear. No heart attack, just bad stress and anxiety I guess, which is understandable in his line of work.

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But then little things bring me back to myself.

 Watching a line of other cars pull over to let a funeral procession pass, it's nice to not be the only one. Sometimes, I have been rudely passed by people refusing to stop.

A sweet and simple message from a friend when I got to work this morning.

Christmas cards in my mailbox from sweet friends and family.

Good news after a day and morning filled with fear.

At the end of the day, I have a lot of things for which to be thankful. My father is HERE, however fragile his health may be. I have a beautiful daughter, a loving husband. The best network of friends to keep me sane and grounded. Good family. A refrigerator full of yummy beers.   A hair appointment tomorrow, which will leave me feeling pretty and let me have time to spend with my friends (my friends do my hair, how awesome is that?). I have a beautiful home filled with presents and Christmas cheer. Sometimes things are tough, but this life has never promised it would be a smooth ride, just worth it.

And little things remind me of that worth. And wouldn't you know, I've gone and worked that radio silence right out of my head. 

Weekend Thoughts and a Craft Project

I'm going to start this post with a quote from myself, from my private blog:

 This time next week, we'll be unwrapping presents and playing with massive amounts of new toys. It's so exciting. And yet...I know this Christmas will be shadowed by the tragedy that occurred last Friday in CT. The thing about this is that it will shadow our Christmas this year; but for those families, that Christmas shadow is part of their reality forever and ever. It's not that we won't think of it in years to come, since I'm not sure I'll ever be able to forget watching those families bury their babies, but it won't have the same overwhelming since to it for us in the years to come. 

My hope is that we don't forget these children and families; that this isn't just a media induced fad for us, that we'll take this tragedy and move forward. We'll become better as a nation, we'll face these issues and look for real solutions to them. As a mother, I can't face it any other way. I felt myself, this weekend, trying to embrace more, love more, be more present with my family. I hope that I move those feelings forward into the future, and make myself a better mother and human being.  Only time will tell.

We took the day to shop as a family yesterday. Although the day was far from the best, it was filled with fun memories to take forward with us. There were tantrums all over the mall, refusals to enter certain stores and eating establishments. There was  a pouty faced little girl getting her picture made with Santa.  There were fun memories made and fun had by all, despite the setbacks. 

Weekends around our house are always filled with crafts, and this weekend was no exception. We did two simple crafts, although one is not yet finished or photographed. The finished one used sticky foam and glitter sticky foam to make Christmas trees and a snowman. I love how my little one decorated the little trees, focusing on the bottoms of the trees, just like she does on real trees. And she insisted that she get stars for all three tress, and while I was certain she would stick them somewhere random, she stuck them right on top. Constant surprises from this girl, constant. 

We also did hand prints in salt dough. I plan on making these into Santa faces and giving them to the grandmothers. I just need to pick up white paint. I never see the point of white paint, and therefore never have it, but how else do you paint a beard or white fur trim? Duh. White paints is a must! Hopefully, we'll finish those tonight and I can post pictures of the finished project tomorrow. 

I love these days. I love them so much. And while I didn't need a tragedy to remind me to focus on my family, the tragedy has only made me focus harder, more intently.  

Making Christmas Magic

Our Elf on the Shelf has given me a new perspective on Christmas as a mama. Everyone always says what a magical time of year Christmas is, but how and why is it so magical?

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The answer lies within you. 

Last night, a friend was asking me about our elf. And my daughter was sitting in my lap; her daughter was laying in her belly. She asked how long we'd had Snowflake, and I told her we had gotten him this week. And she was asking if he moved around the house, and I was telling her about the places he'd been. My husband was like, hey, the little girl's listening. Yes, indeed she was. Our words were guarded to preserve the magic but she was still listening intently. 

And that's when it dawned on me. I am the magic maker. The magic she will know during this season will be created by yours truly. Each magical activity we do, the elf, Santa, right down to decorating, all of that is created by us. An illusion that magic exists, perhaps, but what is magic other than our own perception? The magician masterfully creates an illusion which we perceive to be  what the magician desires for us to perceive. And that is that. 

Her memories, her beliefs, they will all come straight from my own hands. I will create the illusions of Snowflake the elf and of Santa Claus, and I will do it so well that she believes that I believe, and the magic will come from within me. And in so doing all of this, I, too, will believe in the magic that I myself create. 

And I will have more fun in life than others. And so will she. 

I Hate/Loathe/Despise Black Friday

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Here's the thing, I hate Black Friday. It sucks and I believe it was created by the devil. Give thanks one day, go push people down for a "deal" (which is typically not that much better than any other day) so you can get some more material stuff. Just one day after being thankful for what you have...you go push and shove people to get more crap. You just said yesterday how all the stuff wasn't important, it was family, blah blah blah and today, wham, more shit. 

I refuse to go into the madness. I have extreme social anxiety anyways, so the clusterfuck of people just really drives me to distraction. I don't even like shopping between now and Christmas as it stands. Panic over takes me. Long lines and someone strange all up in my personal space. No thanks. I prefer to receive little packages on my doorstep, thankyouverymuch. 

The "Christmas Spirit" goes out the window during this mass retail period. It's all about accumulating more junk. Not that I don't do my share of junk accumulation this time of year, I do. I don't pretend that I'm not a retail junkie. I just avoid all the physcho nut jobs out there clambering over an electronic gadget that is $2 off the normal retail at 4 in the a.m. Call me crazy. 

I also feel that the crazy black Friday shopping is pushing Thanksgiving out the door. I saw that Target is going to be open on Thanksgiving day this year. The crazy shoppers, they'll be there. Fuck the beautiful turkey and the wonderful eggnog that help you deal with your family. Let's go get crap we don't need in an effort to feel Christmassy. 

There are still Christmas decorations up around my house and office. I love Christmas. But I still feel that Thanksgiving is an important holiday in its own right. It begins the season, the parties, the festivities. I don't want to forget to take a day every year to be thankful. I can shop any day of the year, and do. But spending the day with people I love and stuffing my face full of turkey, casseroles and sweets? I'll never give it up. 

Tis the Season

This time of year is really lovely; the lights, the crisp weather, the festive clothes and the music. 

The lighting of our town's Christmas tree was last night. Despite the fact that my child refused to set foot outside of the store, it was really a nice night. People were cheerful and the atmosphere was one of hope and renewal. The nastiness of the election seems to be behind us, everyone resolved with the state of our union, either happily or not, they are still resolved. And that fills the air with peace, a peace that has been missing for so many long months now. 

Hot chocolate and cool nights have that effect of calming, of bringing love and peace and joy where they were once absent. So do peppermint milkshakes, not that I had one yesterday....

I felt pretty and silly and happy, too. Even though nothing may be as you hoped it would be, even though things may be in limbo and hanging in a delicate balance, things are as they should be. Just because something isn't the way you desire it to be doesn't mean it isn't as it should be. Sometimes that gets lost in the hustle and bustle of this life, but it's important to find contentment with what  you have. This life we're living, we only get one. And it is what we make of it. So hang upside down, laugh deep belly laughs for no reason and run around with your kiddo like a complete idiot. Enjoy it all, every bit of it. Breathe it in and breathe it out. Don't waste your time wishing for things you don't have, but enjoy the things you do.  

Addiction

Hi, everyone. My name is heather and I'm addicted to peppermint coffee and shakes. 

Wow, that was easy. Is there a group for peppermint lovers? I need to go. I ate drank a peppermint chocolate milkshake from Chick-fil-a for dinner last night. I'm having a peppermint latte from the Dunkin Donuts this morning. Latte and milkshake love.

And Christmas music. Don't forget the Christmas music. Indie Holiday Radio on Pandora rocks my face off. 

I'm wondering what other forms I can consume peppermint in during this awesome holiday season....