I've spent all of this year dieting, so far. With minor bouts of cake induced happiness from my birthday. And some a whole bag of Valentine's Day chocolate truffles. Now, it's Easter. The last candy-riddled holiday for a little while. You can't get fat from fire works, can you? So...here are the only things going through my mind. I really cannot think of anything further than depriving myself of my my toddler's ass loads of chocolate.
Imagine:
You've desperately avoided buying Easter candy because you know your child will not eat it.
Your husband, he cannot be swayed from these chocolate, gummy, sugar-coated purchases.
You're dieting. And you're doing well. You will not be swayed to consume these goods.
Here are the thoughts that swirl around:
I'm hungry.
Ohmahgawd I wanna eat that chocolate.
Just one piece. But that will mean ten and you know it, Heather, you know it.
Don't touch the chocolate.
No, not even a gummy bear. Go eat a vitamin, bitch. There's your gummy.
Have another cup of green tea.
Oh, that's satisfying.
Not.
Go ride the bike. Do yoga. Meditate about the not-eating. Don't eat that candy.
Oh, can I lick the candy off my daughter's face? What harm would that do? It's not much....
Have some more tea.
Play the Sims.
I wish I could just have random sex right here on the couch; that would fix my craving. Wait, cannot do that in front of the two year old. Go eat a chocolate egg. No, don't. Just deprive yourself. You can do it. You can't have anything.
God, I'm hungry. For chocolate.
Please don't make me unwrap that chocolate for you. Take it to your daddy.... Shit. I know you're two but you're basically dangling crack in front of an addict, little lady.
Internal sigh.
Welcome to my life. This is just Monday after, too. How will I be by Friday? Maybe like a wide eyed chocolate craving zombie. Yeah. I'm gonna lose my mind.
