Learning

Learning to eat healthy again after the baby has proven to be a hard lesson, and not one that I enjoy all the time. Sometimes, I just want a huge piece of bread, covered in butter, and some deep fried anything. 

With that being said, learning to eat healthy again reaps huge rewards, physically and emotionally. I feel more stable, with fewer sugar spikes and drops during the day. I attribute this far less sugar on the daily as well as lemon in my water all day long. Did you know lemons help regulate blood glucose levels? I should have, but I didn't.

I've lost 14 pounds this year, during operation get healthy or die fat. I can wear my wedding rings again, even though I don't wear them daily because I've gotten fond of my plain band and the simplicity of it. It needs cleaning mas bad. 

Dinners and meals in general require more planning and thought. But somehow, I enjoy what I'm eating more that way. Last night, dinner was broccoli and rice and lima beans. We were supposed to have cornbread too but that turned out so smelly no one wanted to eat it, or even eat in the same house with it. Not sure what happened there. 

The point is, I'm full, I'm satisfied, I'm not lethargic. I can chase my child around with energy to spare most days. I get up from my desk more frequently to stretch my legs. I feel friendlier. I feel better about myself. My face was the first place to lose the weight, and my skin is clearer than ever.My belly is flatter and flatter by the day. My legs are showing amazing muscle tone. I still cannot fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes, but my post pregnancy clothes don't fit anymore either. The pants are baggy and the shirts, well, I'm still wearing most of them but I don't look like a bloated baby beluga anymore.

My days don't revolve around eating. When I'm bored, I don't look for something to shove in my mouth. I respond to actual hunger and even find that I can not be ravenous at those points. I eat yogurt every day. Coffee. I cannot quit coffee. I have a lot of that. Apples and berries. Lemons and limes in my water. Lunch is lighter. Sometimes a salad or a Subway sandwich with spinach and other times soup. Roasted almonds are my favorite snack. Or dark chocolate pomegranates for a special treat. For dinner, we cook. Lima beans and english peas and broccoli and corn and rice are favorites.We make fajitas and spaghetti. We enjoy our food more, we buy more fresh and eat less fast food. 

I feel good. I'm pleased to have made these changes in my life and I'm sorry I didn't do them sooner. I'm sorry I didn't treat my body like I did while and before I was pregnant, after I gave birth. But I'm fixing my mistakes. It's never too late to make a fresh start. 

snapshots

Life: 

it's birthday cake and strawberries

it's birdhouses and easter and sunshine

it's cats curled on pillows

it's little girls running wildly through stores

it's rare moments of contentment

it's taking a break in the middle of a chore

it's painting

it's feet in my lap

it's petting pussies

it's looking at lizards and frogs

it's enjoying the afternoon of sunshine, smiling, resting.

Another Cat: Clarabelle

Since the weekend, we've had a guest visitor. She looks like a fluffy version of Moo so it's pretty funny and confusing. She eats like a ravenous beast. And I keep saying she because her face is just so pretty, she must be a girl. And she isn't aggressive to Moo and Opal, which also leads me to think she must be a girl. 

not the best picture, but you see the resemblance, right?

She still doesn't get too close to us, but she does eat in our presence now. I'm not really looking for another cat, but I will not NOT take care of her if she needs food and a warm bed. She is welcome to share my back porch with Moo and Opal. If she gets comfortable enough, we'll have her spayed and vetted. Because that's the kind of people we are. And if she's already pregnant, we'll find her kittens homes and get her spayed later. 

what a pretty face. what a hungry love.

She seems like a cat that someone had, as she isn't too leery of us humans, and will roll around like she wants to be petted. It makes me so sad that someone put her out. I don't understand how people can decide to have a pet and then discard it. That life is a life just like our own and deserves love and respect. While the last thing I need is another vet bill, the last thing my soul needs is to see a creature need us and us not give it what it needs. 

People, please think before you take in a pet. If you think you may not love it when the cute baby-ness wears off, don't get it to start with. Abandonment should not be an option.

We're calling her Clarabelle. I hope she finds herself happy with us, or finds her way back home. I hope that she just escaped and someone is looking fervently for her, but somehow I doubt that. 

Sticks and Stones

"Sticks and stones can break your bones but words can never hurt you."

Truth and lies. 

Physically, words can never hurt you, this is true indeed. But words can hurt you on a deeper, more permanent level. 

Lately, my heart has been filled with the things that others do that are hurtful, things done out of spite and things done unintentionally even. 

There are so many derogatory names people use without even thinking. "Retard(ed)." Homosexual slurs, racial slurs. "Fat." And the list can go on and on.  

Sometimes, these things are so embedded in our culture we don't think twice about what we're saying. 

But we should. We should think twice, three times. Count to ten and then speak. What you say flippantly may effect someone deeply on an emotional level. 

Other times, we know exactly what we're saying. Exactly. We say it out of meanness and spite and hatred and anger. We intend to cut with those words that fly out of our mouths like darts hell bent on killing someone's spirit. 

As I move through this world attempting to shield my daughter from the hatred, I realize just how little we think of what we say. I think back on things I said, years ago, and my heart hurts. I  wish I could take them all back.

But we can't take what we say back. Once it's in the air, it no longer belongs to us. It belongs to time. And I want to change the fabric of time, of the future, now. 

Words can hurt. Only we can change ourselves, our words. We can use them in love rather than hate, to heal rather than injure. 

This Love has been on my heart a LOT lately.see here and here

Love

This week my mind and body have been busy, but my heart keeps steadily beating to one word: love. 

I'm not a hundred percent sure why I'm feeling the need to LOVE so deeply right now, but I'm not one to question it. Every feeling of love I have makes my heart brim with happiness.

And love isn't just about loving those close to us: our mothers and fathers, husbands and wives, children and cousins, brothers and sisters. It's about more than our own nuclear families.

It's about accepting everyone for who they are. It's about loving people BECAUSE they are different. Embracing the colors and textures of the people and the lives being lived in proximity to ours. No matter what. Be that black or white, gay or straight, big or little, smart or dumb. It doesn't matter. Love them for who they are. They make up this world. And for every other person you show kindness to, you can hope that the pay out will be that they show kindness to someone else. 

Love breeds love, and hate breeds hate. Choose love. Make it grow. The small actions you take every day can make a big difference. 

I've been listening to this song, on repeat for the past few days. Even though at this point I've heard it at least 100 times, each time I still get chills. 

So move forth in your day with love in your heart. 

Promise

Friday morning, on the verge of Spring, brims with promises. A weekend ahead, renewal on the horizon. A new Season coming. Warm air  flowing behind cold air, blossoms everywhere; yellow and white and pink, early yet but promising more. 

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//this image isn't me, but it totally could be. chick has on my fav shirt. EVER. //

Friday morning. One last work day. Anything possible, the week finished, full. Today is tying up loose ends, preparing for plans in the days ahead. 

Dinner dates and times with friends. Time with family. Enjoying the little, mundane moments life offers. Finding the joy in each action. Being intentional with each moment. Wasting not one moment. 

A water bottle full of clear liquid, lemons floating, soaking and flavoring. 

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Clean[er] eating is not  without challenges; it is also not without rewards. Each day becomes easier as my body feels better. Less fatigue, less bloat, less pain all adds up to more happiness. 

I look forward to this Spring, this new season in the year and in my body. Eager anticipation rises as I meet more goals and make great strides in finding balance within moderation. I look forward to today and all the tomorrows that I hope are to come. 

Happy Friday. Happy [almost] Spring. 

I'm Excited: Game of Thrones

I am so stinking excited this show will be back March 31st. Happy Easter from Westeros, people. 

I plan on being full of birthday cake and treating myself to an Easter beer that night in honor of the show. 

I've been so disappointed since I finished the last book written in the series. I read through them like a starving person consuming a turkey leg. So fast I didn't even bother to find out that the series wasn't finished and that I would have to wait an indefinite amount of time to get to the next book. 

I'm convinced George R.R. Martin will die (it would just be my luck)  before he finishes and I'm so damned upset about it. Please don't let him die! 

I read a couple of his other books, and they are good, too. But not the same. I want this story. I have invested hours of my life reading these books. And if you've seen them, you know what kind of time I have invested. 

Re-reading the third book may be a good idea before the show re-starts. 

One of my favorite parts about reading the books is spoiling the show periodically for my husband. He asks a question and I gladly divulge the answer like the expert that I am. 

Here's the extended trailer for the upcoming season:

Game of Thrones trailer

I can't wait to see the subtle differences between the show and the books. That's one of my favorite parts of reading books and watching the shows/movies. That's just how my literature-fueled mind works. 

My favorite characters, on the show and in the books. 

Tyrion.

 I love the IMP, bitches. He is cold, calculating, and cunning. And somehow, he is kind behind all of that. This season will not disappoint. I expect more kindness and more cruelty than ever. 

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Araya Stark:

This little girl's spirit thrills me. She is fearless and tough. Her adventures this season will be amazing as she travels across Westeros. 

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Daenerys Targaryen:

She never ceases to amaze me. She's strong and vibrant and slightly insane, just like her ancestors. Her dragons! They will be larger this season and she will make herself a queen, with an army behind her. 

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There is so much I'm looking forward to this season. I feel like HBO is the Easter Bunny, bringing me a favorite show for my basket!

Let Your Light Shine

Broken pieces spread before us, every where we look. The world is broken by us and by itself and we're all broken.

White smoke billows out of a chimney, ushering in a new era in a broken old system. A broken religion. New is hopeful. Change can move us forward, but it can also move us backwards. And while we watch with eager eyes this truth is known in our hearts and minds. And it doesn't matter one little bit. This smoke fades into the night sky and disappears and it makes no difference. 

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Each person walking through this world has their own story. Their own pain. Their own sadness. Their plight doesn't matter as it fades into the night. 

The darkness swallows it all. The darkness of night, the darkness of the past and the darkness of the future and the darkness of the present, too. 

It's all dark and it's all broken.

Yet, we're still here. And we see the light and the hope and we care about our stories and the stories of those walking down the street holding their sadness in a little bag as though it were something so simple as groceries, hidden from the world yet held close. 

And it does matter.

It's not all dark. Clear cut and well lit, it may not be. But it's not all dark. 

Everyday people pick up their broken pieces and glue them back together and move forward. Today, those people make choices. They can choose to become harder or softer. And we all need to make the choice to be softer. To be more forgiving. To be more understanding. 

These paths we walk down are all different but none of them are well lit. We all start our walks in the dark and we make our own light. 

One dark night in the cold of winter I pushed my own light from my body. I went forward that night in pain and fear, and then she cried and light radiated around me. A broken world was still broken but my path was lit. And I felt hope and love and happiness, and I knew that I would strive to make this world around me the best place I could for that light to keep burning. 

Let it shine. 

We all have our own choices to make and we are in control of the outcomes of our lives. 

We're  in the driver's seat. The controls to the headlights are in our own hands. Push that handle forwards and turn the brights on. Illuminate your world. Bathe the dark in the light. Hold tight to that wheel and don't forget who's in control. Pick up the pieces when things fall apart and glue them  back together. Don't feel sad for the cracks because they show strength instead of weakness. 

When it gets dark, shine your light brighter. Shine for the sake of shining. Be kinder than necessary. Be firm and yield. Love. 

Do it all for love, with love. 

Stuff I Love

I ordered our my daughter's Easter bunny this morning and I am super stoked for it's arrival. I've already gone way overboard with Easter gifts and I haven't really started yet. Oops. Oh well. He just looks so soft and cuddly. 

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This bunny caught my attention on A McFall Minute and I just could not get it out of my head. I hope I do a little better than Sara though, and manage to save the bunny for Easter morning. I'm not compelled to though so we shall see. I'm probably going to love it more than the girl does but whatever, that's my joy in being a mama, right?

I cannot believe it's almost time for Easter and my birthday and in a few days (okay a little over a week) it will be SPRING! I'm in my new hot pink J Crew pullover today, with pink Puma flats and I FEEL very springish even though it's raining. At least it's warmish! 

Let's Do This Thing

My weight is the same as it was two weeks postpartum two years AFTER I gave birth. We are not going to talk about that is but it's at least 30 pounds more than I want/need to be. What?!? Yeah. Not cool. Currently, negotiations are raging regarding another child and I cannot be at this weight when I get pregnant. No no no no no. Oh, and my husband is currently in better shape (i.e. he can walk up a flight of stairs and not DIE) which is not typical for us. So, it's time to do something about it. I started in January ( didn't make a "resolution" really but it was on My Hopes and Dreams list), keeping up with calories, exercising more and trying to do better. I've lost about ten pounds, which puts me back to where I was before Thanksgiving and Christmas. I may have eaten A LOT of Christmas goodies. Possibly. 

With this in mind, I was reading through my blogroll the other day and came across Mommy in the Midwest's post and realized she was using My Fitness Pal, which is an iphone app. Um, duh? Why wasn't I using this??? Sure, I'd created a pretty excel spreadsheet but dude, that wasn't cutting it. I had to look up calories, enter them, blah blah blah. It was killing me. Andplusalso I suck at math so figuring out how many calories I had left wasn't fun. 

I only starting using this app today but let me tell you what I'm already loving:

• It's on my phone. (read: I have it with me always.)
• It knows the calories already. No looking the shiz up.
• It does the math for me. I know what I have to "spend" and I can see how my exercise help that bank. 
• It tracks my weight in a graph. Which is way better than just a number list!
• And Mommy in the Midwest is my buddy! Nothing holds you accountable like having a partner in crime!

What I hate? That I'm accountable. That I didn't find this sooner. And that's it! This app is freaking awesome!

It's time to get back in shape and quit making excuses! Let's DO THIS THING! 

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 If anyone else is using it look me up: I'm hlsblue (duh!). 

Back To Cats

We're back to cats today. I came across this in my news feed this morning and I'm smitten like a kitten with this organization. It's called Paws with C.L.A.W.S. (Cats Lives Are Worth Saving) and there really couldn't be a cause nearer and dearer to my heart. I have 7 (SEVEN) cats {just call me the crazy cat lady, yo} and I just really think they're the BEST little creatures on the planet. Go check out what this organization is trying to do (read: save cats, help people afford cats, teach people how to care for cats, talking about the importance of spaying and neutering). 

Obviously, I have cats. I also know that I don't want need  litters upon litters of kittens because I couldn't afford to care for them all, nor could I find them all homes. And you wouldn't willingly bring a human life into this world knowing you couldn't care for it, so why would you bring ANY life into this world? Hence, go spay and neuter your pets. 

Speaking of spaying and neutering, go vote, PLEASE go vote for my cat, Sassy in the World Spay Day Pageant because she is awesome. (I'm deliberately withholding the photo so you will have to at least go to the page, and then you may as well vote for her. The prize is money donated in her name and a cool collar.)

And because no post is complete with some pictures, and I do have plenty of them because the cats are my babies as much as my child is, here is Stuart enjoying some milk from my cereal bowl. Ignore his runny eyes, he has ear problems and needs to go to the vet soon to have them checked out. He lived in the "wild" too long and his little ears need constant attention, and when they have problems, his eyes run. Poor kid. 

lick lick lick YUM!

the black blob is Otto, waiting on his share of the milk. 

And I Crashed My '79 VW Big Ass

Yesterday morning my husband told me we were going to go eat breakfast at Cracker Barrel and I love breakfast out. Love it. So since I hadn't bathed the day before (that happens, sorry, gross) I decided I best get my ass clean so I could eat. I guess I got a little over exuberant about the eating and I hit the slick tile floor like it was butter. And I busted my ass all over the floor like a can of biscuits. It prompted a loud scream for my husband, I'm pretty sure as I went down. So he came and I was crying and he kept asking me what hurt and I just kept telling him "I fell, I slipped and fell." No shit, Heather, you slipped but are you okay? Yeah. As okay as an almost 34 year old can be who just slid and busted her ass. If our shower had been larger, I'm pretty sure I would have smacked my head and been knocked unconscious. Which is why I screamed, as I fell, for my husband. 

Today, I'm sore, like I had a car wreck. Maybe not that sore, but pretty damned sore. I have a huge bruise on my rib cage, where I hit a conditioner container. I'm glad I hit that instead of the ledge of our shower full force. I may have broken a rib.My hip and leg and arm are sore where I hit, but really it could have been worse. 

We joked yesterday that we would tell people I wrecked my '79 VW Big Ass. That we're sure glad that back in '79 they made 'em out of steel. Even though my chassey is rusted and bent, it's still pretty solid. If I had been a newer model...well, I would say I would have been totaled, but in terms of humanity I would have probably bounced. It seems the floor gets harder every time I fall these days. And somehow I fall a lot. (I fell putting my pants back on earlier today.)(This VW Big Ass is really really really really beaten up.)

I wanted to show off my bruise, but in the picture it doesn't look like anything. And it also showed off my underboob. Which I should have posted for all the page views it would have gotten me....but typing underboob may have the same effect. 

And another thing, we didn't even get to eat Cracker Barrel. They were too crowded, too crazy full. So we ate Red Lobster, which was delish but we were too early for them to serve me a GD alcoholic beverage. And after finding my old ass sprawled naked in the floor, not getting my choice of eating establishments and a general loss of pride, I needed that damned Berry Mango Daiquiri. Like NEEDED IT.