A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world. ~Oscar Wilde

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Stuff I Love

It seems like every time I do a Stuff I Love post, it's about something for my kiddo. 

And it's always something I've ordered. I have zero self control. Dreaming? Nah. My reality is pretty good, I guess. My husband will likely only roll his eyes and tsk tsk when he finds it in the mail box. 


This is a little Tea Collection dress I ordered for my mini-me from Zulily.
Of course it was like the very last one, hence my super urgent need to order it. I just feel like she will be so darn cute in it either with something under it or with just bare arms and legs. It will be great for family dinners and such. And the fun colors are something she will love, too. And that's important as she asserts her own little style. 

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Talking to Little Girls

I read this article about How to Talk to Little Girls by Lisa Bloom and I can't quit thinking about it. It brings up so many valid (very valid) points about how we talk to our daughters, nieces, and every other little girl we come in contact with. For that matter, every grown up woman we encounter. Our first impulse tells us to comment on their appearance, a compliment, sure, but perhaps not the best opener in a world where little girls and women are so focused on how they look. I want to look nice, I want my daughter to look nice. Of course, we want to be pretty and there's nothing wrong with that. It's just that maybe it should be the first thing we say to someone, especially someone little, when we meet them. 

In a world where we concentrate on the looks of someone before the content of their mind, things can be tough for a little girl emotionally. (pretty people get better jobs, better pay. pretty women, not pretty men. men get life based on their talents, mostly. unfair?) Little girls should be taught that what they see in magazines isn't real but to do that they have to have a firm foundation of self esteem, and not just about the way they look. It's so important to teach them to value their own creative talents, their own mind and abilities. Sure, they can rock a little skirt and boots and pig tails, and later they can learn how to pretty it up with make-up, but that shouldn't be our first line of defense. They should learn that articulate words and vocabulary and their own thoughts and opinions MATTER. As a parent, even if you don't agree with what your child's views on something are, you should hear them out. You shouldn't put their opinions down because they aren't yours. You should embrace the fact that they have their own opinions and thoughts, create a dialogue with them about why they think this way and you think that way. It should be an open floor. And open mind, a mind ready to learn and think. A mind not afraid to think. As a stranger meeting a new little girl, we should talk to her openly about what she likes, and resist the urge to tell them they are so cute you could squeeze them the first moment we lay eyes on them. Starting a conversation about their appearance sets the stage for later in life, it teaches them that looks come first. Even non-parents have to help change the norm. We all, as women, need to embrace the mind before the body. 

I'm so scared that my daughter will learn that her appearance matters more than her mind. It won't be from me that she learns this nonsense, but some mean little girl in school or on the playground. I can control how she is treated now, by myself and others. I can control all of these details, isolate her from negative image driven prerogatives. But she's two now. She won't be two forever. And what's this world going to teach her? Magazines and media focus on the body, a body that is too thin, too perfect, too unachievable. For god's sake, these images have been airbrushed! I don't want her starving herself to be thin, neglecting the beautiful mind that I have nurtured in favor of a flat tummy and too much make up. 

So we do what we can. We teach our daughters that this world is full of people of all shapes and sizes. Everyone is different and we all walk our own paths. And we teach them to read and to sing and to create and add and subtract. We teach them self worth that isn't based on their looks. And we pray that the world doesn't undo it all.  And when we see a little girl, we shouldn't tell them how adorable they are, at least not in the first moments of our encounter. Ask them what they like, what books are their favorites. Talk to them and they'll talk back. They'll talk a lot longer, too, about their favorite books or televisions shows even than their pretty hair and skirt, I bet. 

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Kitty Crack

Just call me the crazy cat lady this week. Seriously. My cats are cracking my shit up with their antics. They are fuzzy balls of hilarity. 

This morning, I went in the kitchen to make my coffee and found the Godfather laying on the kitty crack, and a little orange guy basically begging for a sniff (not pictured). It seems as though I may have left a kitchen drawer ajar, and being cats they took full advantage of my mistake. Now, was Otto the one who initially found the crack? Likely not. The bag looks to be the work of one Sassafras Jones, declawed cat extraordinaire, 7 tittied queen. But I did not see this. So. Either way, Otto took the booty. 

Monday, February 25, 2013

Spay and Neuter

Today was all about Stuart dressed up. If you missed that post you can see it here.

So, I'm sharing a cause near and dear to my heart. At the risk of sounding like Bob Barker, please spay and neuter your pets! Doesn't this kitty look like it wants to be spayed? She sure doesn't look like she wants to be an unwed single mother!! 


Cats in Clothes: Stuart

Stuart is a special little guy. He's really, really bad and he's really orange and he's really little for one of my boy cats (or cats in general). He begs constantly for food. Snuggles under the covers. And is very accommodating to my whims.

He was remarkably bad this weekend. Climbing on the cabinets, crying, trying to escape, etc. But he is just so damn sweet. He has the most yummy belly for kisses and the best personality as far as being subjected to clothes goes.  

He let me dress him in a sweater....
and he wore a giant bow

Friday, February 22, 2013

It's Friday, y'all! Random Thoughts

As always, I'm super stoked that Friday has rolled around yet again. I have zero big plans for the weekend, although I'm sure we'll come up with something fun to do. We've had a big week around the house, getting a few things done. Such as, our closet fell five months ago and we just got it back up. If you've ever had a closet fall, you know how bad it sucks, and five months of that? Pfft. It was my husband's side, but still. I'm sure mine is next....He says he plans to take action before it falls on its own, so we'll see. Getting it fixed did result in me having more space and finding several items I had been missing. My favorite out and about Coach bag, which is perfect for a couple of diapers, changing pad, keys and a phone. Another shirt that I just adore and I was afraid I had sent it to Goodwill. But nope. And it's nice to see my husband able to find his clothes again, which has resulted in me seeing him a few "new" old items. If you can't tell, I'm super excited about this!

Another thing, I won a giveaway last year to Gallery Direct for $200 smackers. I couldn't decide what to order, but since it was coming up on a year I decided it was time to shit or get of the pot, as my dad would say. I selected, unbeknownst to my husband, a large canvas of Botticelli's Birth of Venus. I've always wanted a naked lady in the bathroom, and who could be better than Venus? Plus, it will go really well with my bathroom, where I plan to hang her over the tub. (sorry for the grainy image but I'm too lazy to go anywhere else and find a better one)

I'm trying to think what else I have to do....oh yes. The sheets. My favorite sheets have a dreadful rip in them so I must find a replacement. I do have another set just like them in white, my favorites are pink, so I at least have a back up already. Not that I don't have plenty of sheets. We have so many, but I am a sheet snob. I like them soft and lite and just so. We have many failures. I use those on the guest bed. Sorry guests. Not that they aren't nice, because they are. They just don't meet my exacting standards. 

I've had a lot on my heart lately, especially with my brother being in rehab still and a dear friend experiencing her second miscarriage. It's hard for me to see people suffer, good and bad alike. There is little I can do for either of their souls but offer words of encouragement and love, and lift them up in prayers. I'm trying hard to become more spiritual, to see God more in my life. Having never been overly spiritual, this is new territory for me. Today, I dropped a dollar under my car in the parking lot. It's raining, so the asphalt was all wet with water and oil and gunk. I chose not to crawl under my car for the single dollar. Not that I'm rich, that I don't need it, but my pants were worth more than that and I was pretty sure I would ruin them on that ground. I'm a big fan of my Lucky jeans. So, I left it. Perhaps it stayed put right there, or perhaps it blew to somewhere else in the parking lot. But that dollar will be found by someone. It may not be much, but it might make someone's day. I tried to envision the person who will find it; an old lady, a small child, a mother. It won't mean a lot, it's just a dollar, but maybe they can get themselves a candy bar or something on me. It made me smile. 

Thursday, February 21, 2013

An Ode to Yoga Pants

I'm currently having a love affair with yoga pants. I think a lot of new mothers do, too. My kid my be two, but I still adore these stretchy, comfy pants with all my heart. I think even once I lose the baby weight, I will still feel this way. Enjoy my poetry, it's a rare occasion that I write it!

It's Time to Chop it OFF

I'm not a long hair kind of girl. It was long in ninth grade and I finally convinced my mom to let me cut it and I really haven't looked back since. Periodically, I get a wild hair and think I should let it grow out. Like right now, it is past my shoulders. Well, technically not right now because it's almost invariably in a pony tail. I really don't like it when it gets this long. It gets stringy, in the way, stuck in my collars and zipped in my coat. Yesterday, I was perusing my Face Book photos, and came across myself on my 30th birthday. 

I really like my hair here. Like, a lot. So whenever I go to my next appointment (for some reason it isn't on my calender, although I know I made it because my April appointment is there....) I'm going to tell him to bleach the shit our of my hair and cut it the fuck off. Him, as in the guy in the photo sitting next to me, reaching for my husband's cock and balls. He does great hair. And he's not too shitty of a friend either. 

And looking at this picture, I'm feeling another birthday mountain trip coming soon. Yeah, those were good times. Maybe a hike instead of miniature golf since we have a baby, but it should be equally fun. 

But seriously, the hair. I love it and must have it back! 

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

hlsblue Book Review: Toddler Bird Books

I love reading and sharing the joy of it with my daughter. I know the best way to promote interest in books is to pick things you're interested in to read about. My little girl loves birds. We recently put a bird feeder outside our bedroom window (we're co-sleepers and we hang out in there a lot) so that she and the cats can have plenty of birds to watch. And, boy, do they watch birds. And the birds come. We'll have ten birds at a time, easily. They usually eat about one feeder full a week right now, and that's another fun activity.

I knew it was time to expound upon her love and teach her a little more, in a basic sort of way. So I went to the trusty old pal Amazon and started browsing. There are a lot of books about birds out there, but I knew we needed simple and colorful. I didn't really expect to find a lot of options, but I did. I didn't want it to be a text book outlining each bird, their habitats, indigenous locations, etc. She's only two and I wanted an introduction to the fact that you can find information about birds in books. It needed to be fun. So here's what I found.

Birds by Kevin Henkes.
This book is amazing. The illustrations are beautiful. It's simple. It doesn't have a lot of information per se but it is vibrant and perfect for a two year old. There is one page, where it shows a flock of birds in a tree and talks about them flying off all at once. The next illustration shows them flying off and says it looks like the tree says SURPRISE! The little girl loves to have me read it to her, and I could read it over and over again. It makes my heart happy.

The second ( I can never buy just one) is About Birds: A Guide for Children by Cathryn Sill


This book is a tiny bit more detailed in that it has more facts. Although, don't expect a lot of facts or words. It's still very simple and reads like a story. The thing I like the most about this book is the detailed illustrations and labels of bird names. There is also in index in the back with more facts, still not a lot, but I'm not teaching a 21 year old so the simplicity is nice. No need to overwhelm a two year old and spoil her love with too much information. These images are more natural and organic, but still very pretty and she enjoys looking at them. 

I wish there was more to review, but these books are pretty simple. They are very enjoyable if you have a little bird lover, as I do. Don't expect to learn anything new yourself, from either of them, unless you've just never seen a bird before, ever. But still, both are great for a toddler who is a novice bird watcher. 

Thursday, February 14, 2013

My Version of Road Rage

Some days when I'm driving it seems like everyone else on the road has forgotten how to drive or that there are RULES when you're driving.What's a yield sign? How do you drive around a roundabout? These are all common questions, common occurrences and I mostly take them in stride with only slight annoyance. 

Yesterday, on the way home, I got stuck behind two idiots fighting. One was tailgating the other one, and the tailgating victim was speeding along at 15 miles per hour. I kept my distance but I seriously was ready to kill one of them. Get off the other person's ass and just let them have some space and they'll speed up. Duh, this is not that complicated. But as you edge closer and closer, they are obviously going to go slower and slower. Both morons finally turned and I hit my gas. 

The next offender really pissed me off though. I was on my way to dinner with my parents, and I came to a busy intersection where I had to make a left. This light notoriously takes a long time and most of the time other drivers will run it and block the intersection. As a result, there are almost always cops sitting there to get offenders. I will slide through a yellow light faster than anything, but once a light turns red, I tend to follow the law and stop. This light turned red just as it was my turn, so I hit the brakes. The car behind me thought it would be appropriate to honk his horn and give me the double finger. I just wasn't in the mood, so when the light turned, I hit my gas and since my next turn was almost immediately to the right, when I went to turn I slowed and allowed the asshole behind me to get next to me. I honked my horn, so they would look and I gave them the "kingpin" move. I find this more vulgar and offensive than mere bird shooting. Also, since it isn't expected, I find it funnier. When I was younger I would stick out my tongue but this just takes it to a whole new level. Eat me, you asshole, it screams. The man and woman (no children were present in the smoke filled vehicle, btw) seemed appropriately shocked.  My fire was quenched and although he probably will do the same thing to someone tomorrow, at least I felt better.

Just in case you're not sure what a "kingpin" is: put your index and bird fingers in a V, one on each side of your mouth, and wag your tongue. Similar to the move made by a man as he performs fellatio.  Here's a picture, too, just in case you're that innocent. 
This picture is on my facebook page with the caption:  ummm don't you WISH. From Hallowen 2008. I was virtually a baby!!
& now I must go find that ring I'm wearing in this picture. Love that thing...where could it be? Probably where it belongs. I hope.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Oh, How I Hate You, Let Me Count the Ways

While everyone else in America waits in eager anticipation of their date night, candy, flowers, jewelry, sex or whatever else floats their boat, I sit impatiently waiting Valentine's day to be over. I hate the holiday, and personally finds it means next to nothing religiously or traditionally. As far as I'm concerned, it's 100% commercial crap designed to break up the winter humdrums with the lull between Christmas and Easter. It's a gap filler that we created. The end. 

Why do I feel this way? Let me tell you. My husband is a florist. That means he has to suck the commercial dick of Valentine's day and the only sex either of us is getting is figuratively up the ass without lube. He's working balls to the wall all day every day, taking orders and churning out roses while people yell at him for how much they cost and on Friday, he will be yelled at because he didn't get every single order out in exactly the way the sender anticipated. Not that he will have messed up, oh no, he's just supposed to read minds. 

I'm a little bitter about Valentine's day. I have flowers, gorgeous flowers sitting on my desk right now. Prettier than anything anyone else can expect, and I know this. They're perfect. He's a perfect husband, as perfect as any man can be, about 325 days a year. So I try not to complain when he has to be absent, when he's short-tempered from these long days. But it takes a toll. It makes me bitter, not towards him, but towards this god forsaken holiday. As everyone talks excitedly about their dates and what nots, I'm just glad to see it pass us by. And I really hate wishing away days, wishing away my life. But I just want to get back to the good parts. 

For the record, I feel the same way about Mother's Day and Father's Day. Father's Day not as much, but these "Hallmark Holidays" really get on my nerves. They're great for business, I know, so keep loving your holidays, keep loving your gifts, and keep loving your lover. Just think about the people behind the scenes, what they're having to do, the time they are spending away from their loved ones so you can be provided with whatever service they provide, be it flowers, jewelry or sex toys. 

Speaking of sex toys, I just took him breakfast and while at the front counter, I noticed these lovely things. 

Don't get too excited. They're not what they look like.

See. Keychains. Anal beads on key chains. I guess that gets us ready for figurative dick up the ass....

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Stuff I Love

I'm a mushy animal lover. I prefer creatures to people 98% of the time. I cannot help it. Creatures don't judge and god knows they have every right to judge us. Consider what we do to them: kill them for food ( i have the least problem with this, actually), kill them because we don't want to share our world with them, kill them as trophies to hang on our walls, abandon them (if they're lucky they get left at a shelter or somewhere they can eat), we abuse them in every way possible. And yet, it's pretty rare that they kill us, torture us, abandon us, etc. in return. Truly rare, considering. I know it happens, a shark eat a surfer, a caged tiger revolts, a dog attacks. But considering the proximity we typically live in and the opportunities they have to retaliate, they don't do it too often. 

Okay, well, wherever THAT came from. Anyways, I love animals (and clearly wonder why they love us back) and so with THAT I'm going to dedicate this edition of Stuff I Love to them. 

First of all, this scarf. It has been all in my face, so I ordered one. Cats all over it? Of course it had my name all over it. I can't wait to wear it. It'll be far better than wearing cat hair all over myself to express my love for them...although I'll probably still wear that, too. 

And then this video. It's really happy but it brought me to tears. This dog Rufo lived in a shelter for 6 years before finding a home. And just the fact that someone believed in him enough for long enough to allow him to leave and experience love melted me into a big gushy puddle. It's really worth your six minutes, I promise. He gave six years to seeing this happy ending for himself, after all, so six minutes is pretty meager considering.

Friday, February 8, 2013

What Did That (Seemingly) Well Meaning Lady Mean?

The other day, while getting out of my car at Target, I was trying desperately to negotiate with my daughter to not take everything she has ever owned into the store with us. She was crying and holding on to everything so maniacally while I tried to get a grip on her so I could get her on my hip. She was screaming loudly at me. 

And a lady walked up and although I'm sure she meant well, I have been a bit freaked out since. Was I yelling at my child? What should I have done? Should I have let her help me? Or slapped her? Or at least thrown a few heinous words her way? Or just what I did, which was politely thank her and decline?? 

All she did was come up and politely tell me that she understood, she had a little one too, and did I need some help. 

I of course, declined, saying we were fine. 

Which we were, about five minutes later. When I had everything packed into her bag finally, although she didn't want me to put it in the bag at all. I knew she would forget about all the crap as soon as we got inside, so I was annoyed, I know I was. This stage kills me slowly. The I have to have it all right now forever stage. It's hard. 

I don't know. I think she meant well. But was she judging that I couldn't handle my kid? Or was she a baby thief, who I averted by denying her access to my child? I'm not sure. I was super concerned the rest of my trip and was super relieved when my parents arrived. 

And I was so ashamed, I told no one until I finally confessed to my husband last night. And now. 

It's the Week End (almost): FLASH DANCE, YO!

I am so insanely ready for the weekend, which is typical for this time on a Friday afternoon. Well, even for this time on a Monday, really....

My mom and I are going to see Flash Dance at the Fabulous Fox on Sunday, and other than some anxiety over leaving my girl on the weekend, I'm super stoked. The tickets were free so I couldn't really pass up the chance to go see it, ya know. I can't wait!  It's such an iconic 80s flick and such an embodiment of the period.  The movie has been viewed this week via Netflix just to refresh my memory since it's been such a long time since I saw it. And I may have my Pandora set to the flash dance channel right now. Possibly. 

It's really out of my comfort zone to go see a show without my husband these days. And it's even more out of my comfort zone to leave the girl on a weekend, for any amount of time. I've actually had a lot of anxiety over leaving my girl lately. We're starting to talk about pre-school and I think that has just put my nerves more on edge than normal. I know that she'll enjoy interacting with other kids and learning new things. I know keeping her at home forever isn't feasible at all but I can't stop myself from wishing it was. As I rejoice in watching her grow up, I'm still saddened by the idea of losing my baby. Reality is that I'm not losing her and that she's just transforming, but try telling my mama heart that, would ya? I just want to stay home with her forever and be hermits. I would really like to be a hermit sometimes. It seems very safe.

I like being safe. But living life isn't always safe. Sometimes, you have to step out of your comfort zone and hold on for the ride. Andplusalso, I think it's important for me to make an effort to do fun things with my mom, and spend time with her in general. I hope that one day my daughter will do the same for me. 

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Things I Heart

I just want to add here that it's a given that my husband and daughter go on the top of this list. And my cats. Don't forget those bitches. I love doing these lists, and they are mostly for myself. A snapshot of life RIGHT NOW, simple things that I want to remember forever and ever. 

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Cats Wearing Clothes

It's no secret, my favorite past time EVER has to do with torturing putting my cats in clothes. Last night, when the tiny human requested that Otto WEAR WEAR CAPE that's what we did. 
We put a cape on Otto. 
He loved  hated it. 
And figured out how to get it off himself...
The whole thing was hilarious to everyone but Otto. 
I'm pretty sure the other cats even got a chuckle out of it. 
I am certain they enjoyed seeing the cat who hands out ass beatings to them all get a little pay back.
He is such a gentle giant. 
And therefore SO much fun to put in clothes. 

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Mutual Weirdness


On a day where my hear't's a little cloudy
and the forcast calls for rain,
this brought a smile
to my
unwilling face.

this is the truth
about love.

Toddler Fashion: Minnie Mouse Style

Recently, my tiny human has taken a serious liking to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and is now obsessed with Mickey & Minnie. I love it! It means we're getting ready to go to Disney World as soon as I can talk my husband into it.

Over the weekend, she decided that nothing but Mickey clothes would do. Minnie Mouse interchanges beautifully, fortunately, as we had zero clothes with the man mouse on them. She wore her Minnie Mouse pajamas all day Sunday, refusing to take them off, as she had refused to wear anything else the night before. We added a tutu and called it a day. In light of this, I realized we needed more than one clothing item with a Mouse on it. And something other than pajamas. I hadn't seen anything great Saturday at Target and I just didn't feel a trip to Wal-Mart. I hardly ever do unless I have my husband. So, the Disney Store was my solution. I really wanted to load my virtual cart with everything....but I settled on three items with the help of my tiny human. After all, all of this stuff is for her so she ought to like it, right?

I'm so happy with our little purchases and cannot wait for them to arrive on our doorstep!

Monday, February 4, 2013

Toddler Crafts: Valentine's Cards + Target $$ Aisle

Doing crafts with my little one remains a favorite past time of mine, and I'm pretty sure she's a fan of it as well. While perusing the the dollar aisle at Target Saturday, we found a butt load of Valentine's Day craft supplies.  A plethora of pink and purple puffy hearts, glitter hearts, plain hearts and other goodies looked back at me. I found a pack of cards and selected one of each of the stickers. 

Yesterday morning, the little one and I went to the den to make the cards, armed with magic markers and stickers. It was bound to be a fun morning. And it was. She enjoyed sticking the HEARTS all over the cards although she whipped me for trying to make one myself. Oops. No, no, mama, she said. Bad mama. Other than that, I received more kisses and hugs than the law allows. She loves crafts and always thanks me by drowning me in kisses. It's the most wonderful thing ever. 

This was really a score on the dollar aisle for once. Not that it's not always a score, but this time, the dividends were well paid in return for my less than $5 project. And some family members will be thrilled to receive their little surprises in the mail this week.