A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world. ~Oscar Wilde

Monday, March 4, 2013

And I Crashed My '79 VW Big Ass

Yesterday morning my husband told me we were going to go eat breakfast at Cracker Barrel and I love breakfast out. Love it. So since I hadn't bathed the day before (that happens, sorry, gross) I decided I best get my ass clean so I could eat. I guess I got a little over exuberant about the eating and I hit the slick tile floor like it was butter. And I busted my ass all over the floor like a can of biscuits. It prompted a loud scream for my husband, I'm pretty sure as I went down. So he came and I was crying and he kept asking me what hurt and I just kept telling him "I fell, I slipped and fell." No shit, Heather, you slipped but are you okay? Yeah. As okay as an almost 34 year old can be who just slid and busted her ass. If our shower had been larger, I'm pretty sure I would have smacked my head and been knocked unconscious. Which is why I screamed, as I fell, for my husband. 

Today, I'm sore, like I had a car wreck. Maybe not that sore, but pretty damned sore. I have a huge bruise on my rib cage, where I hit a conditioner container. I'm glad I hit that instead of the ledge of our shower full force. I may have broken a rib.My hip and leg and arm are sore where I hit, but really it could have been worse. 

We joked yesterday that we would tell people I wrecked my '79 VW Big Ass. That we're sure glad that back in '79 they made 'em out of steel. Even though my chassey is rusted and bent, it's still pretty solid. If I had been a newer model...well, I would say I would have been totaled, but in terms of humanity I would have probably bounced. It seems the floor gets harder every time I fall these days. And somehow I fall a lot. (I fell putting my pants back on earlier today.)(This VW Big Ass is really really really really beaten up.)

I wanted to show off my bruise, but in the picture it doesn't look like anything. And it also showed off my underboob. Which I should have posted for all the page views it would have gotten me....but typing underboob may have the same effect. 

And another thing, we didn't even get to eat Cracker Barrel. They were too crowded, too crazy full. So we ate Red Lobster, which was delish but we were too early for them to serve me a GD alcoholic beverage. And after finding my old ass sprawled naked in the floor, not getting my choice of eating establishments and a general loss of pride, I needed that damned Berry Mango Daiquiri. Like NEEDED IT. 


  1. Dang girl , hope you feel better!!

    1. Thanks. I'm fine, really, other than my pride!

  2. Underboob! Worst part: No crack house! You poor thing!

    1. It took me a minute to catch on to the "No crack house!" ha. I love that place!!


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