A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world. ~Oscar Wilde

Thursday, February 14, 2013

My Version of Road Rage

Some days when I'm driving it seems like everyone else on the road has forgotten how to drive or that there are RULES when you're driving.What's a yield sign? How do you drive around a roundabout? These are all common questions, common occurrences and I mostly take them in stride with only slight annoyance. 

Yesterday, on the way home, I got stuck behind two idiots fighting. One was tailgating the other one, and the tailgating victim was speeding along at 15 miles per hour. I kept my distance but I seriously was ready to kill one of them. Get off the other person's ass and just let them have some space and they'll speed up. Duh, this is not that complicated. But as you edge closer and closer, they are obviously going to go slower and slower. Both morons finally turned and I hit my gas. 

The next offender really pissed me off though. I was on my way to dinner with my parents, and I came to a busy intersection where I had to make a left. This light notoriously takes a long time and most of the time other drivers will run it and block the intersection. As a result, there are almost always cops sitting there to get offenders. I will slide through a yellow light faster than anything, but once a light turns red, I tend to follow the law and stop. This light turned red just as it was my turn, so I hit the brakes. The car behind me thought it would be appropriate to honk his horn and give me the double finger. I just wasn't in the mood, so when the light turned, I hit my gas and since my next turn was almost immediately to the right, when I went to turn I slowed and allowed the asshole behind me to get next to me. I honked my horn, so they would look and I gave them the "kingpin" move. I find this more vulgar and offensive than mere bird shooting. Also, since it isn't expected, I find it funnier. When I was younger I would stick out my tongue but this just takes it to a whole new level. Eat me, you asshole, it screams. The man and woman (no children were present in the smoke filled vehicle, btw) seemed appropriately shocked.  My fire was quenched and although he probably will do the same thing to someone tomorrow, at least I felt better.

Just in case you're not sure what a "kingpin" is: put your index and bird fingers in a V, one on each side of your mouth, and wag your tongue. Similar to the move made by a man as he performs fellatio.  Here's a picture, too, just in case you're that innocent. 
This picture is on my facebook page with the caption:  ummm don't you WISH. From Hallowen 2008. I was virtually a baby!!
& now I must go find that ring I'm wearing in this picture. Love that thing...where could it be? Probably where it belongs. I hope.

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